silhouette mother with her daughter bicycle 1150 5339

……But Mum, you said I couldn’t watch it!!!

“But Mum, you said I couldn’t watch it” she said.

Princess T and I take private swimming classes in turns on the same day. Usually when I’m having my class, she sits beside the pool and keeps herself busy on my phone (sometimes ‘accidentally’ texting people). But on this day, I noticed she didn’t and just stared the entire time.

When I got out, I asked the reason and she gave me that response. Prior to that day, Dr O and I had discussed their screen time and we decided we all needed to pause our screen time for 2weeks which meant no telly, tablets, phones etc (I managed to watch tv once or twice when the kids weren’t home).

Naturally, I didn’t expect her to obey that order outside the house, particularly when her dad wasn’t there and it was him enforcing the rule. You’d think she is only 6 and doesn’t know better but that’s not true, I remember clearly when I was 6, I was very bold and could break rules especially when no one was watching, not to mention all the lies I told (hahaha…my brothers can tell you all about this).

As usual, I have reflected on this and commended her Integrity. There is a famous saying that integrity is who you are when no one is watching, who you are when you think there might be no consequences. As you know, we are living in a fast world where everything goes and no one really cares, if anything, those who show integrity are seen as being ‘abnormal’ and either judged harshly as fools or rewarded for their ‘unusual behaviour’.

People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed

Proverbs 10 v 9

But if we really say that we believe in Christ and are His children, then we ought to walk uprightly according to His own standards and not that of the world.

You see, whatever you get from a place of walking outside his will might give some temporary satisfaction but no eternal reward.

We’ve all fallen , let ourselves down, made mistakes , and I think that’s okay, but whenever you wake up is your own morning! It doesn’t matter how long you’ve followed a wrong path, what matters is that you turn back when you realize it.

  • Are you deeply convinced?

In my opinion, the major challenge in this generation is what I call ‘hand me downs’. A lot of us were handed down Christianity so there’s no authenticity to it for us, we only became Christians because we were born in Christian homes. This is perfectly acceptable as it’s the case for me but there has to be a personal conviction.

Sadly, some people do not even have their own beliefs, it depends on what the internet and social media is saying at that time.

There is something I often do which is to write down my own convictions and the reasons for it. A lot of us are working jobs we ought not to be working, living in certain ways, sending our kids to certain schools or even basing our marriages on traditional gender roles that have their origin from societal expectations. We are told how to live and we do not question it,  we just live it.

A good example that comes to mind is the debate about tithing in Christian community. You see certain people hear a good argument for it and start shouting yes, that’s correct, the next day they hear someone else give a good case against it and change their minds and the cycle continues.

It doesn’t mean that we won’t be wrong because we grow in the knowledge of God and what is right for one isn’t necessarily right for another but just like David, God is looking at your heart.

  • Whom do you believe in?

Last year, I had the privilege of working at a hospice. I have to say in my 9years of being a doctor, that is probably my first life changing experience. I hope to one day write about the things that I learnt on that job.

Probably the most important awakening for me is that everyone believes in something, it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in God. Because of the holistic nature of palliative medicine, an important aspect of looking after our patients is spiritual care.

I quickly came to the realization that organized religion is not same as spirituality. Spirituality is a complete entity on its own and has very little to do with religion. I met people with different beliefs, one that I found quite interesting was a lovely young lady whose belief is in energy. She believes that the world is ruled and run by energy, just as religious people believe there is ‘a God’ somewhere.

Your beliefs will determine how you live.Who and whom do you really believe in? Ask yourself this question sincerely, be honest with yourself. It is easy to answer that question sharply but when you take time to look into your own heart and life, do you really believe or were you handed down something?

One of my favorite stories from the bible is Joseph, he is an epitome of the word ‘Integrity’. He could have gotten away with Potiphar’s wife and continued to benefit from it but he was deeply convinced, he knew whom he believed. I ask myself sometimes if Joseph was in our days, would he do that?  And the answer is yes!

There are many Josephs amongst us, many people who would not sacrifice their convictions for temporary satisfaction.

  • Have the right motives

 People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart

Proverbs 21 v 2

There is not many ways to say this, let us make our motives right. This is simply making our goal- to please God. Everything we do with the aim to please God is seen by Him, it might not be perfect and we might sometimes get it wrong but God sees it. For instance, I didn’t want to write this particular post this way, I wanted to make it slightly more ‘secular’ with the aim to appeal to a wider range of people but as I sat on my dining to start typing, I knew what God wanted me to say was not secular.

We would all learn and get better if it truly is our desire.

  • The kids are watching you more than the telly

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Every time my kids complain about me doing something or eating something I’ve told them not to eat, I feel a pinch in my heart. Truly, one of the biggest legacies we will leave our kids is integrity. They will talk about it long after you are gone and it passes on to our generations.

Who we are when no one is looking is who we really are. Joseph said “I will not do this and sin against God”. Just like you, I should have said that a lot of times but it doesn’t matter what is gone now, what matters is that we wake up tomorrow and do what we know to be right.

I’m glad to announce we now have a facebook group, please click on this link to join. I’m hoping we can have more day to day conversations there and learn from other people.

I hope you share this post with your friends and leave a comment. Kindly subscribe if you haven’t, we promise not to spam you.

I leave you with the peace of God.

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Very nice read as always. Keep ’em coming.


Thank you 😊

Bukky Cobson

There’s always something to learn on this platform. Thank you for this .


I am also convinced most things we do are things we have seen our parents do and things they believe in. I just realised myself that a large part of my thoughts and behaviour for awhile had been due to the way i was raised and i decided to do things my own way. Realising that some of those beliefs and ways arnt right by my own standards or can be done another way not necessarily the way i was taught…same thing with religion, i realise for example, the way my husband sees religion is exactly the way his parents put it down to him and honestly to me its just wrong in all ways. The only constant thing in this life is change and we should be able to adapt to change and decide to do stuffs the way we believe and what makes us comfortable. I believe i will try and train my children that way also to believe in what they feel and not just download our ways and thoughts to them…i never liked it growing up and i wouldnt want my kids feeling that way…this has really inspired me. Keep up the good job..

Aderonke Oshungbohun

Thank you! I really like how you said you decided to do things your own way.


Wholesome read always

Bola Adesanya

The lessons from our daughters is endless but this topic of integrity is what l always reinforce with my daughters.

Korede Ogundipe

“Integrity is who you are when no one is watching, who you are when you think there might be no consequences. ” That is a really good take home for me. Thanks very much Doctor Ronke

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