couple lying bed using mobile phones 74855 4391

Can we talk about the elephant in the room??

“Mum, do you know you shouldn’t believe everything you see on the internet?” says Princess T.

Recently, my daughter’s school has been talking to them about internet safety and this was something she thought she needed to pass on to me. This adorable 6year old of mine has recently become obsessed with Google and she feels the need to ask Google everything (thanks to her I know the name of all Santa’s reindeer, their gender and relationships).

Our interaction with the internet and social media has a huge impact on not just our mental health, the use/misuse of our time and productive but also like everything else, a huge impact on our kids. They learn more by watching us and I’m afraid the younger generation are going to have a catastrophic dependence on social media as a result of what they experience at home.

Before I go on, I have to say I’m also not perfect with my mobile phone/device use but I’m aware and conscious of it particularly around the children so I make effort and I think that counts.

Permit me to be vulnerable and share a story about the day I took the photo below:

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Baby T, Princess T and I at McDonalds

It was my day off and I was meant to be attending a meeting in my daughter’s school. Also, my in laws were arriving from Nigeria the next day and I hadn’t prepared for them.

Unfortunately, I had a migraine that day and couldn’t get out of bed, any attempt to stare at brightness worsened it so I stayed in bed and didn’t attend her school meeting. She was picked up by the nanny and as soon as she came into my room she started crying because I missed the meeting and her friends had their grown-ups with them. To make up for it later, I offered to take them to McDonalds. Behind my sunglasses, I was teary and I had swollen eyes. I posted that photo and a friend commented ‘I like how you guys always look so happy’

  • Don’t believe everything you see on the internet

Do you get the point? I wasn’t happy, I was crying behind my sunglasses and had a terrible headache, dreaded all the cooking I had to do at home but someone assumed I was happy. Just like that, we are taking everything we see at face value, getting intimidated, starting businesses we have no business starting, setting goals that have no relevance to our purpose just because of social media.

You would think adults don’t need to be told this but the effect is subtle, you are not even aware of it and the longer your exposure, the greater the risk. It is good to admire people and things but do not be ignorant of the effect of these things on your mind.

Do you know how many people regret being married because of societal pressure viz-a-viz social media? I follow an account on Instagram and the owner recently did a poll and according to her, about 75% of the responses were women and they admitted to getting married because of pressures and regretting it. 75%???

What is even more dangerous than our unrealistic expectations is the amount of time we spend scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. Aimless use of our time. Have you ever checked your average screen time daily on your phone? I advise you do, I don’t know many people that have and did not feel sober.

  • Your screen time might be ruining your life

A lot of people will be more productive if only they dropped their phones. I’ve found myself settling down to spend time with God and I let myself quickly respond to a WhatsApp message, before I look up again I’ve spent 30minutes on Instagram and I’ve achieved nothing other than idle chit chats.

Jim Kwik said ‘We are consuming digital technology at a rate that even its creators will find extreme’. Have you ever observed people in a public place, maybe a restaurant and watch their engagement level? More than half of people on dates are not spending quality time, they’re on their phones.

In homes, couples are not spending quality time and engaging with each other because of their phones. After all, why do I’ve to talk to you when I can talk to 50 other people that fan my ego on social media?  Quality family time is also affected. Do you guys remember our earlier post about my daughter complaining I wasn’t spending quality time with her? Click here to read

Even at work, productivity level has declined as a result of the amount of time staff spend on their phones doing other stuff.

  • You are missing out on your own life

About 2years ago, my friend gave me a birthday gift of soccer tickets to watch Nigeria vs England match. Whilst the match was going on, I was chatting on a group and I missed the only goal Nigeria scored. I was so upset by this, imagine being at the stadium and having to watch the goal later on YouTube.

And I learnt a big lesson from that experience. Many of us are missing out on our own lives and experiences because we are on our phones. In fact, I now tend to go off the internet when we are on holiday just so I can enjoy the time and be 100% present.

I remember we once had a guest who spent about 2hours at ours and was on the phone the entire time. After she left, I told Dr O that I felt sorry for her. It is not only rude to be on the phone ‘continuously’ when in the company of others but you also miss out on that experience.

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A family missing out on family moments
  • The kids are learning from you

I don’t think we need to mention again that the kids model us. They are going to do what they see us do, not what we tell them. Sometimes, my kids wake up and come into my room and ask for my phone to watch something. It saddens me that kids now depend on their devices for entertainment, they don’t even want to play with other kids.

I intentionally schedule no screen time daily especially on weekends so the kids can do creative stuff, colouring, writing stories or sometimes just moaning and waiting for TV time. I’m not perfect as you can tell but I am making effort. You need to first have insight to be able to make a change.

  • Does God have your attention?

As Christians, do you know that many of us cannot hear from the spirit of God or even fellowship with God because we are too busy? Our minds are constantly racing and engaging because we are hopping from one app to the other.

The internet is not all bad, if anything I’ve found it very useful even for spiritual growth. I have access to so many events and messages than I can imagine. Also, the wealth of knowledge and information out there is enormous but we should not be ignorant of the other effects.

Next week, I will be sharing a few tips I use in controlling my screen time (remember I said I’m not there yet) and that of my family. Please share some of your own tips in the comment section, hopefully I can add some of them to the next post.

Don’t forget to share this post with your friends. I leave you with the peace of God!

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Pam Shodeinde

This is such an important discussion!! The social media age as we refer to it. In the click of a moment, people have made assumptions about your life that only know if it’s true or not. Worse still, they run with that assumption and base their lives on something that was taken in the moment. We must do better and be better for the sake of our children who are watching us and learning. There’s no perfect life, just perfect pictures of what we create for others to see. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙏🏾

Aderonke Oshungbohun

Pam, much respect for your quotes 🙌🙌 There’s no perfect life, just perfect pictures of what we create for others to see! Love it

Diana Migamba

Thank u for this topic Ma.
Internet has become a problem to homes, it has affected our kids bse for them what ever they see they think it’s true.

Young girls have started missing meals,taking slimming pills bse they want to have the same body shape like those they see on the internet.

Young boys have have started lifting heavyweights and eating bodybuilding pills that are not their age so that they get body shape like those on social media

Aderonke Oshungbohun

Thank you for your comment! It is disturbing the effect of the internet on self confidence especially in teenagers. I think this has become extra work for parents , we can’t slack at all


I believe it is also important to appreciate the quote that says “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people”.

While that is an extreme example it just means that Social Media and the Internet itself is not the disease, but how we use it can be the real problem.

There is no avoiding the Internet today, but we can definitely try our best to monitor and encourage GOOD Internet habits. Using it for knowledge, switching off when around people, using to support your positive goals etc.

Also the way the algorithms now work, if you get a little bit curious and look at the wrong thing, your timeliness gets flooded with that nonesense and you can get stuck digesting false information.

No one is perfect, appreciate your faults and simply try to do better everyday while never neglecting the humans in your life.

Aderonke Oshungbohun


Amina Ibrahim Belo-Osagie

This post couldn’t be more apt!
My almost 3 year old and I have a constant battle as to screen time, and I believe it stems largely from what he sees us do. The iPad is our go-to rescue for peace, when he won’t let me “scroll my phone in peace” (sad!).
I have started a routine in my household where we leave our phones on the kitchen table top, while in the living room. We put the ringer to the loudest just for phone calls( 2 hours of no phone never killed no man). I am hoping to see how long we keep up this tradition, but slowly and steady.
As for not believing everything you see on the internet, I give thanks to God for wisdom to know better.
Thanks as always for your engaging write ups!

[…] by sharing the tips I’ve tried to manage my phone/devices use.  If you missed that post, please click here because you need to read it. Did you check your average screen time on your phone as I […]

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