Hey……Bullies are not Ghosts!!!

Hello my friend, how have you been this week? Yes, you, how are you? Have you been looking after yourself physically and mentally? Are you taking necessary breaks or have you been coasting like me? If there is one gift I’m grateful for, its Insight. I know when I’m not doing something right, whether I deal with it is a discussion for another day.

This week is Anti-Bullying Week in Uk schools and although I had a different topic for this week, I think it’s rather timely to talk about bullying in the concept of home and school environment.

To put it simply for kids, Bullying is when someone repeatedly and on purpose says or does mean or hurtful things to another person who has a hard time defending himself or herself. I currently work in the Emergency department of a hospital and this is probably the reason this topic is so important to me. I wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said at least one child under age 18 is brought in by ambulance each day as a result of either self harm or suicidal attempt.

I haven’t looked at an audit on this but based on my experience, the mental health of these children is affected mostly by family circumstances, next to this is bullying in schools. Also, a lot of young adults with depression and other mental health problems trace the source to bullying.

I looked online and found this graph on the impact of bullying :

Most schools are doing a good job teaching children the signs of bullying, how to deal with it and report it. However, I was having a discussion with a friend the other day and I said , “Bullies are not Ghosts, they are people’s children also”.

I think the only more painful than your child being bullied will be finding out your child is a bully.

So I will be sharing my thoughts (I’m not an expert on this) on ensuring our kids do not become bullies.

• START FROM HOME

The home environment is the strongest influence for children. Kids from happy and peaceful homes are unlikely to become aggressive. Parents/ care givers need to watch their behaviour particularly in the presence of their kids.

In the UK, it is called Abuse if a child witnesses physical violence or persistent emotional outbursts/disagreements between their grown ups. In other countries like Nigeria, this is not taken with as much importance therefore, no actual repercussions from it.

Many children never grow out of the impact of this experience and they in turn, become defensive , aggressive and eventually bullies. Avoid name calling, yelling, harsh criticisms in the presence of kids.

• SIBLING INTERACTION

It is only natural for siblings to have arguments and fights and parents do not necessarily have to intervene. I think we as parents however need to pay attention to each child’s behaviour when they are upset with the other.

Again, a child who intentionally and persistently calls the other names, taunts them, makes jest of them (especially using physical imperfections) is a red flag for me. They have to be taught at home that this is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

• RESPECT, LOVE AND KINDNESS

Each family should have what I call core values (like in most schools). We shouldn’t just say we are raising kids without a clear picture in mind of what we are raising them to be. This, I believe should be written down and reviewed regularly by both parents (or parent) .
We ourselves should show love, respect and kindness to our kids, we cannot give what we do not have. Also , teach them empathy and consideration for others.

By showing them, we are inevitably teaching them how to behave.
Remind them regularly how important it is to treat themselves and others with respect, love and kindness. Reward kind gestures and praise it.

Kind children will not bully other children.

• COMMUNICATE

Most bullies have certain issues such as insecurity and low self esteem, they deflect by hurting other people. If our kids have access to us and feel free to share their thoughts and insecurities, we will be in a better place to offer them help or seek help with them to deal with their issues.

Can I kindly ask that we all talk to our kids about bullying this week?!!! Ask what they think about bullying if they know what it is at all, how they recognise it and respond to it and most importantly, let’s teach them that giving it is as damaging as receiving it.

People are different

Schools in Uk are encouraging children to wear odd socks during the anti -bullying week. This is to teach them people are different and should be accepted.

People differ in race, colour, body shapes and sizes but everyone is the same inside. Let us teach our children from home to accept other people even if they don’t necessarily look like them.

I believe the best way to do this really is by showing them. Be careful with your words and actions, you are their strongest influence.

Remember to leave a comment on your thoughts, particularly if there is something you will like to add for our readers and also share with your friends!

I leave you with the peace of God!

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